It's been a long time. I miss writing. I miss summer. I miss who I was during the summer. College has gotten the best of me. I've become a hermit. Honestly, I just want to be a typical college kid. I want to go out. I want to party. But, no. I'm just me. I can't let go of my stupid morals and my over excessive hatred of people. So I just sit in my room and play music. And write. And draw. Boom. Hermit.

Lately, I've just wanted to live life. I feel like I'm missing out on so much. I've never had a drink in my life. I've never kissed a boy. I've been to one real party in my life, and I left it in hysterical tears. THAT'S how uncomfortable I was. I've been to a club once, and all we did was stand there awkwardly until we left. I just want to go nuts, for once in my life. I'm not saying I want to go out and get wasted every night, but my God. I just want to have a little fun.

Now that I'm fully fledged into ranting mode, I feel like all I do is complain. I've been doing pretty well. Just gotta find my groove. I suppose. I don't know. I just see everyone going off to college and having fun, and I'm just sitting here like, "Oh, hey. I'll just go chill in my room." The only problem, though, is that I swear, I hate everyone. The people on my floor drive me insane. I barely speak in my classes. So. The question is not, "why am I not having fun?" rather, it is: "Why do I hate everyone?" I just want to make friends. I skype my best friend an unhealthy amount, I'm sure.

Hm. I'm not really sure what to do, at this point in my life. I refuse to become the type of person I despise, but I also refuse to keep living like this. If you can even call it living.

I just want to live.

It's been a long time. I miss writing. I miss summer. I miss who I was during the summer. College has gotten the best of me. I've become a hermit. Honestly, I just want to be a typical college kid. I want to go out. I want to party. But, no. I'm just me. I can't let go of my stupid morals and my over excessive hatred of people. So I just sit in my room and play music. And write. And draw. Boom. Hermit.

Lately, I've just wanted to live life. I feel like I'm missing out on so much. I've never had a drink in my life. I've never kissed a boy. I've been to one real party in my life, and I left it in hysterical tears. THAT'S how uncomfortable I was. I've been to a club once, and all we did was stand there awkwardly until we left. I just want to go nuts, for once in my life. I'm not saying I want to go out and get wasted every night, but my God. I just want to have a little fun.

Now that I'm fully fledged into ranting mode, I feel like all I do is complain. I've been doing pretty well. Just gotta find my groove. I suppose. I don't know. I just see everyone going off to college and having fun, and I'm just sitting here like, "Oh, hey. I'll just go chill in my room." The only problem, though, is that I swear, I hate everyone. The people on my floor drive me insane. I barely speak in my classes. So. The question is not, "why am I not having fun?" rather, it is: "Why do I hate everyone?" I just want to make friends. I skype my best friend an unhealthy amount, I'm sure.

Hm. I'm not really sure what to do, at this point in my life. I refuse to become the type of person I despise, but I also refuse to keep living like this. If you can even call it living.

I just want to live.

It's been a while since I've written. Anything. Perhaps it's the somber emptiness of my room, or the whirlwind of changes that are about to arrive, but I felt like I should write. Something. Anything.

I wondered if anyone would care. If anyone even reads this. This is kind of like my personal online diary, in a way. I get to make layouts as often or as little as I want. I can write to my heart's extent, and I can share my work with the world-- photography, graphics, websites. It really is a beatiful thing, whether it reaches people or not.

I move into my dorm on Sunday. It's a surreal feeling. It hasn't quite hit me yet. But, as I look around my strangely quiet and empty room, I know it's happening. My cat is snoozing on my bed. I'm going to miss her. She's been my best friend for eleven years. More than just my cat, I'm going to miss my actual best friend. It'll be weird not being able to just up and drive to her. I'm going to miss my family. As much as I don't want to admit it, I know I will. I'm going to miss my skating coach. I about crashed my car on the way home from my last practice. He's been my coach since I was four.

New beginnings are scary. Exciting, yes, but scary. I'm not sure what to make of it all. Maybe I'll find my way. Maybe I won't. The only way to find out is to try. Let's hope I don't get lost along the way...